It had always been there. The nagging feeling at the back of the mind that it would not be enough. That there would have to be choices, such as the choice to switch it all off with a mere wag of a finger and enter another world. The strong sense that it would not do any good to harbour such feelings had existed simultaneously. One chapter ended - perhaps more quickly than I had anticipated, and another started. But the path that I had chosen did not turn out to be as smooth as I had expected. And it appeared for the first time. The Shadow. I was left standing in darkness. I tripped many a times; the cuts and bruises brought along tears with them. But a ray of light managed to penetrate the darkness every now and then. The best way at that time seemed to ignore the presence of the Shadow. With the ray of light appearing occasionally, I inched towards my destination steadily and finally, there was light. It was not just a single quivering golden ray. Rays of light rained down on me from everywhere. After a long time, I could see. I was there. There was a burning sensation inside me. I could breathe free. Not that I had come out unscathed. While tangled in the darkness, something that I had had for some time, and had grown to cherish, had been damaged beyond repair. Exhausted, I sank down to revel in the light. I was to walk that path no more. I had reached my destination.
I had never been happier. Now I was surrounded by people I had befriended some time ago, but had never gotten to know them, because I had been too preoccupied with my struggles with the Shadow. Starting a new chapter in my life, I struggled to get past the first few pages. There were times when I felt the presence of the Shadow, but I did not come face to face with it. The happy times stretched. Was the Shadow gone for good? Having known it for so long, I knew it was too good to be true. Still, I was determined to keep the fiend out of my paradise. It was a paradise! The smooth path, the soft, dewy grass tickling beneath the feet, the cool breeze, the chirping birds. I almost forgot the Shadow. Time passed. I was at peace with myself. There was a burst of energy that swept me off my feet. I chatted away, I danced, I sang. Forgotten were the struggles and the pain. I had what I had wanted, and I was not going to lose it.
To say I had not had forebodings would be untrue. There had definitely been signs. A strange uneasiness had settled upon me, and I could not put my finger on what was causing it. Time seemed to have come to a stand-still. Time had stood still once before, just before the Shadow had appeared for the very first time. I was beginning to feel afraid. Afraid of turning a corner, and running smack into the Shadow. I suspected my thoughts had been repossessed by the Shadow. Because they were not in my control anymore. And oh, the light! I had put it down to my shortsightedness. But even a new pair of glasses did not make any difference. There was nothing wrong with my eyes. The light was fading - it was fading because the Shadow was taking over. I did not turn a corner and run smack into the Shadow. I just found it standing next to me one day. I did not scream or try to get away. It would not have made any sense to do so when I had been expecting his arrival.
I am on my way again, trying to find the right path and my destination. The Shadow is with me again too, but this time I am not trying to get away. I am waiting - waiting to get rid of it for good.
I had never been happier. Now I was surrounded by people I had befriended some time ago, but had never gotten to know them, because I had been too preoccupied with my struggles with the Shadow. Starting a new chapter in my life, I struggled to get past the first few pages. There were times when I felt the presence of the Shadow, but I did not come face to face with it. The happy times stretched. Was the Shadow gone for good? Having known it for so long, I knew it was too good to be true. Still, I was determined to keep the fiend out of my paradise. It was a paradise! The smooth path, the soft, dewy grass tickling beneath the feet, the cool breeze, the chirping birds. I almost forgot the Shadow. Time passed. I was at peace with myself. There was a burst of energy that swept me off my feet. I chatted away, I danced, I sang. Forgotten were the struggles and the pain. I had what I had wanted, and I was not going to lose it.
To say I had not had forebodings would be untrue. There had definitely been signs. A strange uneasiness had settled upon me, and I could not put my finger on what was causing it. Time seemed to have come to a stand-still. Time had stood still once before, just before the Shadow had appeared for the very first time. I was beginning to feel afraid. Afraid of turning a corner, and running smack into the Shadow. I suspected my thoughts had been repossessed by the Shadow. Because they were not in my control anymore. And oh, the light! I had put it down to my shortsightedness. But even a new pair of glasses did not make any difference. There was nothing wrong with my eyes. The light was fading - it was fading because the Shadow was taking over. I did not turn a corner and run smack into the Shadow. I just found it standing next to me one day. I did not scream or try to get away. It would not have made any sense to do so when I had been expecting his arrival.
I am on my way again, trying to find the right path and my destination. The Shadow is with me again too, but this time I am not trying to get away. I am waiting - waiting to get rid of it for good.
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